i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
