He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
