Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
