Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. ITβS SAFE AND WORKS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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