Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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