What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think i have two assholes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
