Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
