Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
