I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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