dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think your dad took our porno
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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