I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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