just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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