its not stalking. its research.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
