Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
