lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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