When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
