1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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