turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
