So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
