I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
