she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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