yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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