don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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