I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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