Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
