Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
