Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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