hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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