Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
