and you said cock pushups were impossible
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
