too bad you live with your parents still
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
