So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize