I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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