Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
