Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize