You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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