I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
