she looked like the before picture.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize