I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
