got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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