He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
