I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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