fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
