i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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