Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
