I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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