Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
