I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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