Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
