i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
