I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
