his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
