So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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