Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
