he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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