I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
