i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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