meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
