Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Will you blow on my dice?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
