I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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