She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
