How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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