so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
